Condiment King VS Bob Belcher
"When are you releasing Zorro vs Robin Hood?"
-TheoryCrafter
Did you know that WHO estimates 11 million people a year die from diseases and heart failures related to unhealthy diets? Ahem, condiments and hamburgers - eternal allies, or mortal enemies? Between the villainous Condiment King and the middle aged Bob Belcher, who would win in a DEATH BATTLE? I hope you're happy Dick.
Background
Condiment King
"So long, suckers! Parting is such sweet and sour sorrow!"
The Joker considers himself the greatest comedian in Gotham City, but it appears he wasn’t even considered for Gotham’s Annual Comedy Contest. How preposterous! So he hatches a scheme using Mad Hatter’s mind-control microchips to manipulate the judges into being supervillains so he can come in and steal the spotlight. Among the judges was one Buddy Standler, a TV Host who was manipulated into being the conceptual Condiment King! However, his spread of villainy was short-lived as he was quickly defeated by Batman and Robin and thrown off a building. He probably would say his life was a tragedy, but to most, it was a comedy… PFFFFFFFFFFFFFT
However, in another universe, a dill-fferent Condiment King was formed, that of Mitchell Mayo, who unfortunately suffers from the all-too-common trope Batman villains have of basically just being a mentally insane man with an obsession with condiments. He may be actually dangerous with his somewhat powerful equipment, but no one takes him syrup-iously. I can’t imagine why. He was also a part of General Immortus’ villain team during the aftermath of Final Crisis, being improved by Professor Milo to put some kind of pep-per in his step, though it is unknown what he was improved with. He seemingly even had a honey by the name of Seductress. However, a new recruit by the alias of the Human Flame betrays the team with Seductress and Mitchell loses his life in the resulting sals-laughter. May-o he rest in peace.
Bob Belcher
Son of the locally famous Big Bob, as a child Robert “Bob” Belcher Jr. didn’t really have a childhood as he was almost always forced to help his father maintain the restaurant Big Bob’s Diner. This led him to cope with things like having kitchen items as toys, leaving him jealous of the other children his age. When his father was away with a Prostate Exam, Bob was manning the grill and decided to create an original burger; the “Baby You Can Chive My Car” Burger. However his father came back at the wrong time and threw the burger away in anger, a harsh strike towards Bob’s creativity.
He finally leaves the restaurant after the last straw being that Big Bob tried to rename the place to Bob and Son’s, leaving Bob to rant about how awful it was to work with him, and causing Big Bob to kick him out for embarrassing him. Bob later married a lovely woman named Linda, started a restaurant, got it shut down, started it again, got it shut down again, had 3 children, started it again again, got it shut down again again, and finally started it for a 4th time. This is Bob’s Burgers, and Bob’s journey of highs and lows but mostly middling returns was only just beginning…
Equipment
Condiment King
Condiment Guns
His standard weapons from the original cartoon, Condiment King wields two large condiment guns connected to two barrels behind him. With it, he can shoot pressurized streams of various condiments, including ketchup, spicy mustard, relish, mayonnaise, vinegar, chili, and many others at his foes. These can be powerful enough to lift a full grown person into the air and break glass. They can cause an extreme burning sensation, due to be a 100,000 on the Scoville scale. If exposed long enough, victims can die.
Hot Sauce Packet
It’s… It’s just hot sauce. I mean that’s gonna fuck up your lungs for a bit but there’s no way it can be that useful.
Scoville Bomb
A canister of what appears to be an immensely spicy cayenne seasoning. Now THAT seems like a good-err, good enough weapon. The spice gets up to 50,000 Scoville heat units. Decently hot.
Mustard Gas
A large can of mustard gas. Seems silly on the surface but that is a genuine weapon that was used in war. It killed thousands.
Bob Belcher
Nature Master
A multi-tool item that contains everything you ever need in a camping scenario… at least according to Bob. Comes with a nail file, tweezers, folding scissors, toothpick, magnifying glass, screwdriver bits, saw, and a knife.
Scraper
Something he uses to clean off his grill when he cooks. It’s sort of sharp.
Knives
A kitchen knife. Usually he has a few if he plans to cook in or out of the restaurant. Could also be used to stab someone. It probably wouldn’t feel the best.
Clampers
A pair of clampers he uses to pick up meat like steaks to flip over. They are decently edged, could be used to hurt someone.. probably..
Spatula
A classic assortment of spatulas for burger flipping. Also could be used to hit someone. It’s something at least.
Ice Pick
An Ice Pick, which is easily converted into a stabbing weapon if need be.
Double Barrel Shotgun
A double barrel shotgun, used back in 1901 to shoot at clay pigeons as a sport. He doesn’t actually own this but it does show that he does know how to use a gun well.
Car
The family car Bob is often seen using. While nothing special about the car itself, it still offers a method of defense and attack, as well as Bob having shown great driving skills.
Abilities
Condiment King
Puns
Condiment King LOVES to relish in the art of BBQ-ueing up some puns based on various food ingredients. Impressive he manages to mustard up the courage to do them, despite the fact they kinda suck.
Stealth Skills
Condiment King has shown some skill in stealth, able to sneak up on Robin, and the other birds of prey.
Martial Arts
In Spite of his very dumb power and name, he still has shown some skill in fighting. Able to fight with superhumans who have shown to fight against cops and the military.
Bob Belcher
Puns
Bob also loves himself some cheesy puns, enough to create at least bun for every day with his Burger of the Days. You can seed just how much he care-ots for the art of cooking with them. Unfortunately no one seems to find them very funny.
Broadway Force
On multiple occasions, Bob and many of the other characters in the show can burst into spontaneous singing. While it’s unknown if others are forced to go along or simply choose to, instances like with Mr. Fischoeder, shows that these musical numbers are actually happening.
Clairvoyance
He seems to care about his business so much that when Linda and Her Mom tried to bring in a different kind of protein, Bob in his dream told himself what they were doing.
Stealth Skills
Bob has shown some pretty good hiding skills. Such as sneaking around Golf Courses, Hiding on a boat from security, or hiding during both of Mr. Fischoeder water balloon fights for several hours.
Gun Skills
Bob is shown to be a rather good shot, at least when it comes to shotguns. He’s shown when shooting down moving objects like clay pigeons, to have never missed a shot.
Feats
Condiment King
Overall
Uh, nothing really. He kind of sucks… as Buddy Standler. As Mitchell Mayo, he is much more impressive.
Was able to have a brief win over Tim Drake’s Robin, Black Canary, and Ted Kord’s Blue Beetle… at least until Ted got milk.
Beat up some american soldiers
Held his own against the Human Flame
Almost killed Robin
Strength
Despite just using ketchup and mustard, his condiment guns have enough force behind them to push a full grown man into the air and tip over a table
Trades blows with Human Flame, who can crush skulls (10,546.2-11,050.2 Joules)
His Mustard Gas bomb got this big (13,059,913.08176 Joules). Note that it isn’t likely he would survive this.
Speed
Durability
Survived falling off of a building onto a car, albeit, was hospitalized (226,583.3167384600965 Joules)
Tanked being in a car crash
Comparable, albeit weaker than Human Flame, who once fell off the 3rd story of a building with only his jaw being broken (11,958.31 Joules)
Continues to fight even after losing his nose and being heavy bloodied
Bob Belcher
Overall
Despite getting into constant financial trouble, has always managed to crawl out of going bankrupt.
Created the Meatsiah, the greatest burger ever invented. Not only that, but he managed to create a dozen “Slider” versions of quite possibly the most complex burger idea out there. It was so good, Mr. Fischoeder extended their rent due date despite already being late after tasting one.
Managed to both convince his landlord Mr. Fischoeder to sell Wonder Wharf to create condos AND unconvince Mr. Fischoeder to sell Wonder Wharf to create condos within the span of mere hours.
One of the only good animated Dads out there.
Strength
Can hurt Teddy, who has survived a multiple story fall just fine, and says he falls off roofs all the time (3,986.105-11,958.31 Joules)
Speed
Comparable to Louise, who can repeatedly dodge lasers
Durability
Had his head slammed through a wall (754,939.5369633953 Joules)
Comparable to Teddy who once survived a mechanical shark mauling him, that was strong enough to rip through dirt, rock, reinforced concrete, and could tip over large vehicles (270,206,499.954098-316,032,683.9767115 Joules)
Weaknesses
Condiment King
At the end of the day, the Condiment King is just… really pathetic. He’s a regular old man with pressurized condiments as his weapon, I don’t know what you expected. His tenacity is admirable but it certainly hasn’t led to anything of worth for him. It’s just sad.
Bob Belcher
Bob's main weaknesses are pretty apparent, in that he is an overweight middle aged balding man with very little to no actual combat experience. He also tends to make a lot of really poor decisions, whether financial or physical, and they very much don’t tend to work out well for him.
Summary
Condiment King
Advantages:
More versatile, and with more unique weapons
Has more "experience" and skill in combat
Much better stamina, able to fight for far longer
Similar Pain Endurance
Disadvantages:
Dumbass
Immensely outclassed in all stats
Bob Belcher
Advantages:
Physically much stronger
Much more durable
Similar Pain Endurance
Slaps when it comes to songs
Disadvantages:
Just not much of a fighter
Very inconsistent stamina, but is for the most part not as good as CK’s
The Bob’s Burgers Movie was a financial failure :(
Verdicts
Badtime32
Uh, hi! I don’t have much experience writing these types of things, so I’ll try my best! I didn’t really know anything about Condiment King jumping into this, but I did know a lot about Bob and his TV series, Bob’s burgers. A really good adult TV show that you should definitely check out if you haven’t. I was kinda interested in how this doc was gonna go originally, as it was Bob vs… A street tier DC character, and I definitely predicted that Condiment King was going to cook… Was I right?
Well, to determine if I was right or wrong, it would be best if I went over the comparisons of AP, speed, equipment, stamina, etc etc. Surprisingly, the AP and speed edges don’t have much to discuss. Bob just clearly outstats C.K, with his 270,206,499 at worst to 316,032,683 at best joule AP scaling, compared to C.K’s 13,059,913 Joule Equipment scaling. C.K himself does not physically scale here, and his durability (unsure physically AP wise), would scale to 226,582 joules (I calced it myself!!!!), which only extends the gap even FURTHER, and shows that C.K is definitely getting one shot, while not doing damage himself.
Speed is also a terrible stomp, and probably even a worse stomp. C.K’s vague bullet timing is definitely not even close to being able to compare to Bob upscaling Light timers like Louise. You CAN possibly scale C.K to Canary, but not only is the feat itself a bit vague, but even IF we used it, I believe we only had Canary at Massively Hypersonic, while Bob would still be above lightspeed reactions.
There are certainly advantages for C.K, such as stamina arguments and battle experience. However these advantages would only realistically work if either the fight is being dragged on for a good while, or they are relative in speed to where you can realistically find a way to avoid most if not all attacks via sheer skill. However… Bob has such a high stat advantage… He would realistically one shot, basically ending the fight really quick, but also speed blitz before C.K can even see him hit him, so C.K can’t really use skill to react and avoid things if he didn’t know he got hit until too late…
This definitely seems like a funny matchup while looking into both sides, however Bob can just cook up Condiment King, giving him a sweet and sour victory. The delicious victor goes to Bob Belcher
Buttersamuri
This was certainly a unique match when I first saw the announcement. But as the resident Bobs Burgers expert, I of course had to take part. So let’s see how one of my favorite cartoon cooks and dads take on the King of Condiments
Strength wise. Condiment King can damage Human Flame, who took a 3 story fall and only sustained a broken jaw. That’s…. 11,050.2 Joules of energy… oh. But, his Attack potency should reasonably scale to his durability. And when looking at that, Condiment King himself once took a fall worth 226,583.3167384600965 Joules….. That broke multiple bones and hospitalized him.. still nothing a regular human could survive…. Oh. Speaking of more than a human can do. He can also dodge bullets.. maybe.. It looks like the bullets probably hit the truck behind him already. Implying it may have been aim dodging…. He managed to hit Black Canary before she got to him. Granted he shot Blue Beetle and Robin from behind. And all he did was move his arm slightly before Black canary ram at him.. he didn’t even realistically pull the trigger as the gun seems to be automatic, and he was already pulling the trigger at the time…… it’s something. And while some of his Arsenal is just.. stupid. He had legit weapons like the Scorville bomb, or his mustard gas bomb, which gets up to 13,059,913.08176 Joules. That’s some nice numbers there. Now, let’s move to my look at Bob. See what numbers I got him at.
Let’s see. Bob kicks through a brick wall which is worth up to 29,787,836.29968136 Joules, and compares to teddy, who tank a shark mauling him that broke reinforced walls, and ripped through the ground and stone, which got at least 270,206,499.954098 Joules
Bob has dodged bullets, kept on pace with an explosion while carrying his wife and daughter… and his daughter repeatedly dodge light…… Huh.
So Bob turns Condiment King into a red pile of ketchup looking mush. Condiments Best Feat, which doesn’t even scale to AP, Hospitalized him. Bob's Foot is slightly over 131 Times Stronger than his best durability feat. Heck, the Mustard gas bomb dead center isn’t even worth that much. Bob's brick feat alone is 2.28 times stronger. Condiment King is just not hurting him. It’s true the spiciness could maybe overwhelm Bob's pain receptors and incapacitate him. But Condiment Kings sauce only gets 50,000 on the scoville scale. That’s not even that high, and something real people can take. The fact it incapacitated Robin is more out of PIS, or robins just a pansy. And even if that gun one shot. Bob is at blitzing speeds. Condiment King can be a bullet timer If you're nice about what most likely was aim dodging. Bob however has a feat where he actually moved in tandem with a bullet. An explosion timing feat. And Light Speed Scaling!! You’d have to be really generous to him to make him stand a chance against Bob, and even then, he still probably gets punched once and becomes mashed potatoes. And that doesn’t even get to Bob's Shotgun or Car. His car lets Bob run Condiment King over in the safety of it. And the gun is way more deadly than even the sauce that could eventually kill someone. As you know. Gun. Bullets kill faster than hot sauce. The best scenario for Condiment King is him splashing Bob with some hot sauce which annoys him, and then Bob instantly murders him. Probably by accident. Those numbers don’t lie.
Condiment King May be a… well.. a “villain” from DC comics. But he doesn’t have the pepper to Ketchup with Bob, leaving this joke of a villain, cilantrOwned….. ok. That last one was a bit forced. The Winner, Is Bob’s Burgers Bob Belcher
Dick with a “D”
“Burger of the Day: The “Yes, I Yam Happy” Burger (Comes with Baked Yams)”
Well, would you look at that? It’s one of my most wanted matchups of all time: Condiment King VS Bob Belcher! I love just how much fun you can have pitting one of animation’s most iconic chefs against one of Batman’s most absurd villains. The interactions would be gold, and you can get super creative with everything. I hope after reading this blog, you have fully succumbed to the Pro-Condiment King VS Bob Belcher propaganda.
As for who would win, I was expecting a somewhat closer result to be honest, mostly in how I at least expected something a bit faster for Mitchell (I’m using Mitchell over Buddy since that’s where his best stuff is). I guess I was a bit too generous to this sad man. The unfortunate result is that the down on his luck father utterly demolishes the King of Condiments.
A very clear indicator of how fucked Mitchell was can be seen in the stats comparison. Bob is stronger by a whopping 2695 times comparing Bob kicking through a brick wall to Human Flame crushing skulls, and over THREE MILLION TIMES faster via comparing Bob scaling to the most casual of light dodging and Mitchell dodging gunfire. Even if you don’t buy the light timing for (insert reason here), Bob also has multiple bullet dodging and timing feats to match Mitchell. Bob is also over a thousand times more durable than a feat that hospitalized Mitchell, you know just to add in-salt to injury. Even if you could argue Teddy being more durable than Bob, he’d have to be a thousand times more durable for CK to not have a ridiculously large disadvantage. Mitchell is just plain not touching Bob and even if he could he certainly isn’t dealing major enough damage.
I can give Mitchell some things, like better stamina on average and a certainly wider array of weapons that are useful for more than just stabbing, but even then Bob could just take them with his speed blitz and use them himself. Even the Mustard Gas, a literal war weapon, somehow wouldn’t be enough to kill Bob and there isn’t a good indication Mitchell could survive it either. All in all I just don’t see Mitchell taking this.
Bob can certainly relish in his victory, because he just knocked Mitchell off the menu. The Winner is Bob Belcher.
(Also Bob’s Burgers is peak go watch it)
Frisk863
(Art by mynameisactuallyten)
Hello there everyone! It seems we have a cooking competition on our hands folks!!!
Bob Belcher vs Condiment King is certainly the definition of "the match I never knew I wanted" lmao, anywho it was great to see Bob Burgers get represented here being one of the few charming adult animated series out there. I personally never heard of Condiment King until now but he was certainly a surprising equipped combatant…….to some extent.
Time for my Judgment
Starting with Strength & Durability
Bob’s greatest display of strength was harming Teddy who survived a Mechanical shark mauling him that broke through concrete calculated anywhere from 270,206,499.954098 to 316,032,683.9767115 joules of energy. Now let's see how Condiment King fares in this department?
Condiment King withstood a fall that's worth 226,583.3167384600965 Joules and perhaps scales to his ap somehow?,though this is little odd to use considering he was eventually hospitalized but let's give him the benefit of the doubt for the sake of it. Bob would still be
APPROXIMATELY 1,394 TIMES STRONGER AND TOUGHER THAN ANYTHING CONDIMENT KING HAS EVER SHOWN!!!
Jesus that gap is seriously unavoidable in the long run, all in all Bob should swiftly take this category.
Next up is the Speed Roundup
Hmmm let's see? Condiment King's most notable feat of speed is dodging gunfire which has a result of at least 193 MPH…. Yeah rip the Condiment King here. Bob on the other hand, can scale to Louise and Linda who can intercept laser fire on numerous different occasions. Even without factoring in the results for calculations, a Laser is far faster than a bullet no contest so Bob essentially wins this category by a mile just like the former.
Lastly Arsenal/Abilities and skills
Finally a category where C.K can actually take a decent W! Bob has a very limited arsenal with his only deadly weaponry in this case being his knives and Double barrel Shotgun; In comparison C.K has dozens of Condiment weapons to disortent the target or slip them in the process via his mustard gun,ketchup gun, Mayonnaise gun and so on.Though I guess I should mention C.K’s Wincon being the Scoville Bomb and Mustard gas which could definitely incapacitate Bob if given the chance all things considered. So Condiment King takes this last category for me ultimately.
Final Verdict
On paper this match seems to be closer than expected given how these two aren't particularly known for their skills in combat but more so how they fare in the art of cooking.
Anyways Bob should take this relatively easily with his overwhelming strength and durability, C.K wouldn't even be able to harm with most of his arsenal in the grand scheme of things. Condiment King also is just too damn slow to get off any of his dangerous gasses to kill Bob being a bullet timer in comparison to a laser timer.
Overall in the end, Condiment King certainly Belched for a somber defeat,
The winner is Bob Belcher.
Oleggator
Well hello there. What do we have on our MU menu today? Non-Marvel vs DC MU, perhaps the most grounded one, featuring one of the greatest chefs vs one of the weirdest Batman villains, if not DC villains. So let us cook this verdict.
Gotta say, despite having quite a simple theme, this MU is really hilarious in concept. I mean, a guy wearing a costume with underpants over pants and shooting ketchup and mustard despite how weird it looks is also not really unnatural in the setting of Bob's Burgers' episode and rather fitting. Can it work as Death Battle? Well yeah, I mean, if people can find a way for Pepsiman and Fall Guys to work in vs, there aren't as many problems with Bob.
Now that we've filled this pot with some water. Let us boil it and prepare our ingredients which will determine the victor of this blog.
Ingredient number 1: Arsenal.
Yeah as far as you can see Condiment King has a bigger variety in combat. Bob's sharp stuff is cool but spicy weapons are somewhat more useful. However if both are given some rather non standard stuff Bob surprisingly can have some sort of an upper hand. Since the only non standard thing CK gets is mustard gas bomb, Bob on the other hand can get a shotgun and car. One does a job of shooting better than condiments, the other perhaps straight up negates most of CK's options. After properly slicing the arsenal let us prepare the next ingredient.
Ingredient number 2: Skill and abilities.
This ingredient will give our dish a good salt taste, so we need to spread it at the proper amount. Besides having puns and stealth, Bob does seem to have quite unique way of clairvoyance, gun skills and debatably working broadway force, former and latter are fun and all but it's fair to say gun skills are the most combat applicable in the fight to life and death, with which frankly Mitchell had some experience here and there, as well as he did quite better than Bob overall when it comes to fighting. Cause well, Bob mainly is a chef not a martial artist, so it's not too surprising. So Condiment King got a minor advantage here.
Ingredient number 3: Strength and Durability.
This is perhaps the main course of our dish, which we'll need to fry well from up and down, maybe slightly overcook even. But overall here things are starting off far worse for Mitchell. Admittedly, Condiment King's condiments as weapons are potentially dangerous, and in a proper usage could even put down for a moment some DC street tiers. And well "potentially" is an obvious keyword here. You might've thought there might be at least a single moment when Mitchell physically does something to DC street tiers, maybe even Red Hood breaking Supergirl's grip kind of feat but uh...yeah this guy is a fodder. More fodder than Baraka and Reptile combined, Condiment King got quite easily defeated in the matter of seconds against Robin and other Street Tier kind of people. Frankly, not even his guns did an actual damage to Blue Beetle, Robin and Canary, but rather just took them by surprise. That leaves Mitchell and Buddy on their own feats and scaling to other similar people of the same class . Here everything is quite simple, Condiment King has a feat where he falls and breaks a car, second one where Human Flame falls from a high roof and third one where they both also fall from a pretty high train. In the first one, Buddy was hospitalized, in the second one, Flame broke his jaw, and in third one Mitchell also barely was standing. For comparison, Teddy falls from pretty much the same height as Human Flame and stands up without getting any damage really. Besides that, there are also a good amount of feats which makes Bob overall stronger than Mitchell, 2695 times to be exact. Not even Mustard Gas bomb helps, as it only gives us the result of 13,059,913.08176 joules (additional note that Mitchell doesn’t scale to his bomb physically). Bob kicking a brick wall gets 29,787,836.29968136 joules 2.28 times more stronger than the Mustard Gas bomb. In other words even the strongest weapon of Condiment King is not enough to do big damage on Bob. Now let us get to the next ingredient.
Ingredient number 4: Speed
Of course, as an important factor, Bob needs to be as quick or quicker to finish Condiment King in one punch, and Condiment King needs to be as quick or quicker to use his main weaponry on Bob. And well, getting back to the street tiers, it is again important to note he took them by surprise rather than actually being as quick as them. And well, overall he has only one good feat for speed, aka the one where he dodges gunfire from the military. Now, it’s possible to say that he actually dodged bullets, but the problem here is pretty obvious, we have to be somewhat generous to assume it wasn’t aim dodging, in comparison Bob got dozens of feats where he moves in tandem with a bullet, whether it be from pistol or sniper rifles. And that’s without mentioning the light timing they have. Bob even technically has better mobility because he runs as fast to run away from the car in one feat, and to reach to the golf car in the other feat (even though getting quite tired). And well, one has a car, the other does not.
Final mix of the ingredients (verdict):
So, overall after going through all said ingredients we prepared the results. Mitchell was a potentially strong threat, even despite his strength disadvantage he could have got a win if he could use his weaponry properly. But not only is he somewhat not smart enough to immediately use them in a way he’d need to, he isn't quick enough to actually use them on Bob either. Non standard equipment rather puts Mitchell at disadvantage because Mustard Gas bomb would barely do damage to Bob and not only Bob would have a shotgun, but also a car that would be pretty much a big “haha…no” to Mitchell’s main win condition (which is basically shoot condiments into Bob’s eyes and somewhat outlast). And despite having somewhat better stamina and similar pain endurance with that stat gap it would barely matter. Condiment King had some good fighting capabilities, his weapons despite being lame still were quite unique and his tenacity combined with endurance is incredible, but Bob Belcher’s superior stats and variety of stuff to help despite lack of aforementioned skill and fighting capabilities gave him a win and for us a spicy verdict. The winner is Bob Belcher. Enjoy your meal!
(Now I’ll be waiting for hell which is either Saul Goodman vs Miles Edgeworth or Ness MU.)
tmk
bob
Team Condiment King: no one :(
Team Bob Belcher: Everyone
To say I didn't expect this is to say the least. That being said ... BOBSWEEP!!!
ReplyDeleteI guess the Toiletnator and Chuck the Evil Sandwich Making Guy would wipe the floor way more.
ReplyDelete